I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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