Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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