We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
