After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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