I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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