I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
