Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
