Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
