if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
