there's paper in my vomit.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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