mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
