i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize