We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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