we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
