i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
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