i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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