Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
