So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
