i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
