She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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