why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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