We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
