i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
