Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
