If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I made him laugh his dick is mine
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize