I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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