I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize