You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
