I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
