just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
