I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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