haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
