do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
