I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
