my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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