it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
