Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you didnt know i had herpes?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
