I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
