imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up under a house in Key West
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
