Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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