one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
