i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
