hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
