Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Holy shit dude........stairs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
