Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
