Will you blow on my dice?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's blow job season.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i think my cat just said my name.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
