Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
