haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He passed out mid-signature
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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