Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
