My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
