when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
