What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think your dad took our porno
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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