I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
