Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
