dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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