i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize