ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
