Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
