I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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