I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
