we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
