She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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