You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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