how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
