There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize