it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
