I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you didnt know i had herpes?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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