the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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