Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize