her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
