My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
