At least make sure they are 18
Why
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
