I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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